Most importantly, the first few sessions have convinced us that new and expecting dads appreciate the opportunity to connect with dads that have experienced the highs and lows of the first few months of life as a new parent. Click here to see what some dads thought of their boot camp experience.
Here are the dates, locations and registration links for upcoming New Dad Boot Camps:
Saturday, February 11, 2012 - Ft. Greene (Brooklyn) @ Tribeca Parenting - Register here
Saturday, February 25, 2012 - Tribeca @ Tribeca Parenting - Register here
Saturday, March 3, 2012 - Upper East Side @ 92nd Street Y - Register here
Please share with your favorite new and expecting dads!
The latest uproar among the active, involved, and caring dads out in the blogosphere is the latest news release from MGM...that they are planning to remake/reboot several movies, one of which is Mr. Mom!
Even though I have not watched the 1980's film by John Hughes in many years (still scratching my head why), the term "Mr. Mom" seems to be at the root of numerous media angles about bumbling idiots that are dads that sometimes give us caring, confident, and nurturing dads a bad rap. Personally, I prefer to be called a "modern man" (even though caring for my child is certainly nothing new) instead of Mr. Mom or Stay-at-Home Dad (SAHD). That said, I don't take it personally when someone does refer to the primary caregiving dad as Mr. Mom.
I can;t say I am surprised at the idea for a remake since involved fatherhood seems to be a hot topic these days in the media with articles that are more meaningful and covering topics like dads fitting into the work-life equation and paternity leave. Maybe remaking the film will be an opportunity for MGM (in addition to making money) to provide a more realistic picture (like some TV sitcoms) of what the at-home dad role is truly like and put the positive spin on it which it surely deserves.
What do you think of MGM planning to remake this film?
As many of you already know, Matt & I are pumped about heading south to Austin, Texas to speak on a panel and attend the first annual Dad 2.0 Summit in March! This conference will be a ripe opportunity where parents and media professionals discuss the changing perception and online voice of modern fatherhood. If you plan on attending or not, want to learn more about Dad 2.0, OR just want an excuse for a fun dads night out at the bar...come join Dad 2.0 Founder, Doug French (who will be in town tomorrow night), a dozen members of our NYC Dads Group community, and other local blogger and parenting media professionals. Doug's invite is below. - L.S.
The Dad 2.0 Summit has scheduled several Meetups (in Chicago, L.A., and more) leading up to our conference, which is six weeks away. And naturally, our first one is in New York. (Because, you know. Come on. Where else you gonna do it?)
Here are the details:
When: Thursday, January 26, 7-10pm
Where: Jake's Saloon (23rd St, just east of 7th Ave
It will be an open-house-type event, encouraging people to stop in and have a drink, or eat, and stay as long as they want. We'll also be giving away a free conference pass to Dad 2.0.
I'd obviously love to see each of you there, if you can make it.
We got together with some friends this past weekend who recently moved out of New York City to Westchester. They were listing all of the amazing things about their new home - the backyard, the playroom in the basement, the pool, a big spacious kitchen with windows, blah, blah, blah. Then, they inquired about when we were making the big move out of town. Not happening for us yet! Sure, getting more space for your money is a nice luxury, but so is living in the big city with all of it's amenities and conveniences for parents. It's funny, later on after a few drinks, they admitted that the commute was a pain in the ass and that if they could afford it, they would buy a small studio apartment to keep their close ties.
We are within 10 blocks of six playgrounds, we have a pharmacy, pizza shop, gym, and deli on our block, four avenues to Central Park, and within a 15 minute walk or bus ride to some of the best child-friendly museums in the world. We love the city!
What we don't love is when our son gets woken up from his sleep because of our noisy neighbors! Yes, one shortcoming of our apartment is that we have a noisy neighbor that lives above us. To combat the noise, our son sleeps with a white noise sound machine each night that sounds like a light rain as well as a constant hum from his humidifier. That combination generally drones out any noise in the hallways or conversations between my wife & I. Additionally, our son is aware that some noises are normal because we live in a building and there are sounds on the street of sirens, horns, and buses zooming by. We were not prepared for what happened last night.
After putting my son to sleep last night, our apartment began to shake and rattle. No, it was not another earthquake. As it it was happening, I was cursing the guy above us because I knew he was the culprit and it was going to cause my son to get out of his bed. Sure enough, within minutes, my son came out of his room and asked me what was happening - I told him that our neighbor was probably making a cake so he was using a mixer to get the batter nice and smooth.
I walked my son back to his bed and fortunately he only got out of his bed once more. I was racking my brain at what the constant clomping and shaking could be. Finally, my son fell asleep and I went upstairs to knock on the door of our neighbor.
A brief history: This is the third time I have knocked on this guys door.
First time - we moved in six months ago and two nights in a row from 6pm til all hours of the night, it sounded like someone was screeching their fingernails on a chalkboard. My son woke up multiple times during those two nights and so I knocked to find out the cause. It turns out the guy had buddies over for a card game and it was the wooden chairs scraping on the hardwood floor - my wife suggested giving him these felt stickers that go on the bottom of furniture to lessen the noise - problem solved.
Second time: New Year's Eve. I get it. New Year's Eve is a night for parties and celebration. True, but at what time do you say the "party is over." The noise this time sounded like someone was weightlifting, and every 5 minutes or so the bar bells were slamming against the floor. Our son was up from 4am - 5:30am until I marched up there to complain.
So, I knocked on the door last night and I explained to our neighbor that my son was up a couple of times from the noise. "Oh, that was my treadmill", he said. It was the guy upstairs running on his treadmill perfectly timed for my son's bedtime. Before I could say anything, the guy said, "I understand you are upset. I was a light sleeper when I was little and I won't use the treadmill at night anymore." "In fact, here is my cell number...next time, just call or text me about the noise and I will stop rather than you knocking on my door."
I was a bit surprised that he was so empathetic, but Stay tuned to see how this all plays out....
Wondering if other parents have similar challenges with parenting & noisy neighbors?
This is a guest post from Hugo Schwyzer about the benefits of being an older father which we thought would resonate so well with many of our readers. Thanks to Hugo, "the older father" who wrote this piece, and Role/Reboot for allowing us to re-publish it here. - L.S.
Our daughter Heloise was conceived right before I turned 41. Being “old school” about these things, my wife and I kept her pregnancy a secret until early in the second trimester, when we started telling family and friends. When I announced our happy news to some colleagues over lunch, one cocked his head and asked gently, “You know you should make sure to get extra screening, right? You’ve got to watch out for the risks with paternal age effect.”
Until that moment, I knew next to nothing about paternal age effect (PAE). I started Googling as soon as I got back to my office, and promptly got scared. “The genetic quality of sperm, as well as its volume and motility, all typically decrease with age,” Wikipedia announced. Advanced paternal age was linked in some studies to infertility, to an increased likelihood of miscarriage, and—perhaps most famously—to higher incidences of autism and bipolar disorder among offspring. My wife was already pregnant, so I figured we had the infertility thing licked this time around. But what about miscarriage and birth defects?
I called my wife’s obstetrician. Dr. Katz laughed. “You’re barely in your 40s, Hugo,” he said. “The average age of women in our practice is 39. I’d guess the average age of prospective dads is 45. Around here, we don’t worry about a ‘paternal age effect’ until a man is in his 60s. Stop reading that junk on the internet and relax.” I hung up, hugely relieved.
Dr. Katz’s practice is at Cedars-Sinai hospital just outside of Beverly Hills, in West Los Angeles, and just over a mile from our home. His large medical group doesn’t necessarily specialize in caring for “older” pregnant women (and reassuring their often even older partners). In this part of town, it’s standard to see parents on playgrounds who in other parts of the country might easily be mistaken for grandmas and grandpas. Seven of the nine other children in my three-year-old daughter’s pre-school class have dads older than me, and I’m pushing 45. My 37-year-old wife is the youngest of the moms. As far as we can tell, there is no sign of a negative “paternal age effect” anywhere in my daughter’s preschool.
But it’s not just in affluent areas like West Los Angeles and Manhattan that we’re seeing older first-time parents. As has been widely reported, birth rates in the United States have dropped sharply since the recession began in 2008, and are now at record lows. Even as the number of teen moms has never been lower, the number of women giving birth after age 40 has never been higher. Indeed, the birth rate is rising among women over 40, even as it falls for all the younger demographic brackets. Among heterosexual couples, married and unmarried, the male partner is statistically likelier to be the older one; this means the number of middle-aged first-time dads has risen substantially as well (some estimate by as much as 40% since 1980).
Because so many older fathers are also partnered with older mothers, it can be difficult to establish whether birth defects or disorders like autism are more closely tied to paternal or maternal age. A number of doctors have asked whether the much-noted rise in childhood autism rates is tied to a rise in the percentage of older fathers. Some studies indicate a link; others don’t. And whether advanced paternal age is only a problem when matched with advanced maternal age or whether it stands alone as a risk factor is also still somewhat unclear.
My wife and I are considering another child. I had that unborn baby in mind as I read the “paternal age effect” Wikipedia entry recently. The laundry list of studies suggesting at least a slightly increased risk for autism, Down’s Syndrome and bipolar disorder was frightening. But then I got to the end of the article. Under the heading “Social Associations,” I read: “Later age at parenthood…is associated with better parenting practices.” And I smiled.
I’m the president of the PTA for Heloise’s school. Our closest friends, not surprisingly, are the parents of her friends. My wife and I live in a community of fathers and mothers who became parents for the first time in middle age. At the endless rounds of meetings and birthday parties, we joke about our thinning hair and aching backs. We talk about how much more energy we’d have to chase after our little ones if we were only 20 or 30 years younger. Sometimes—not often—we talk about the worries we have that we might not be around to see our grandchildren grow up. We are, after all, the same age that many of our grandparents were when we were born.
But perhaps particularly with the other older dads, we talk often about how much better suited we are for parenting in our 40s and 50s. Sure, the backaches are worse. But the compensation for reduced mobility is an exponential increase in patience. I know some wonderful young dads, but among my group of graying and thickening preschool papas, we’re universally convinced that what delights us now would have driven us crazy when we were in our 20s or 30s. More certain of who we are, more comfortable in our own skin, we’re better equipped to soothe our own self-doubts for the sake of showing up for our kids.
In his most famous poem, Donald Justice writes: “Men at 40 learn to close softly/the doors to rooms they will not be coming back to.” For first-time fathers in their 40s, the slightly elevated risks of the “paternal age effect” are offset by our greater likelihood of financial stability, our increased reservoirs of equanimity, and, perhaps, a bit more hard-won wisdom. If we’ve done the job of growing up right, we’ve begun to shut some of those doors of workaholism, self-doubt, and indulgent self-absorption to which we were prone in our anxiety-ridden 20s. To put it simply, we’re young enough to kick the ball around and patient enough to do it (almost) as long as our kids want.
We’ll just need to take two Advil when we’re finally done.
The guys organizing the inaugural Dad 2.0 Summit just released the list of topics that will be discussed at the event being held in Austin, Texas from March 8-10 (see below). As you can see, there is something for everybody interested in all things "Dad." Lance and I will be attending the event and speaking about Dads and the Power of Community. Other speakers include Rufus Griscom, CEO of Babble.com, Roland Warren, President of the National Fatherhood Institute, and many dad bloggers, filmmakers, and marketers interested in moving forward the conversation about fathers. Hope you can join us. ~MS
Return on Engagement: The Great Debate Over Measuring True Reach
Advertisers in social media measure ROI by engagement and influence, not simply by raw traffic statistics. A cottage industry has evolved around addressing this challenging need, and opinions as to the reliability of statistics vary widely. To what extent can we depend on measurement systems, and to what degree will brands rely on them to quantify their investments? And how can these companies measure reach without influencing it?
Embrace the Longview
Newer members of the parent blogging community might not remember that long-ago era when Ree Drummond was just some mom in Oklahoma. It took time, creativity, and diligence to convince brands to invest in mom blogs, and our panelists were there, making it happen. They’ll discuss how, in many ways, dad bloggers are on a parallel track, and how commitment and vision can overcome the stiffest barriers to entry.
Entrepreneurs’ Round Table
Starting and growing an online business can be thrilling and exciting, whether you are selling advertising space, services, or products. If you’re taking your approach to entrepreneurship more seriously, our panel of leading venture experts will walk through the decisions behind their successes and help you find the right path toward yours.
Know Your Audience: Gender Politics, Role Reversals, and What Men Read
The population of online dads is growing, but the vast majority of parent bloggers–and parent blog readers–are moms. Our panel will discuss the blurring of gender roles in parenting, the opportunities and limitations of being a man writing for a predominantly female audience, and how dad bloggers can grow their male readership.
Masculinity and the Freedom to Self-Define
It’s a new world, with new rules, new modes of masculinity, and new definitions of fatherhood. Boys need strong male role models, but how can men proactively fulfill that role without a clear definition of what true manhood is? This panel will discuss how a father can interpret current definitions and decipher the lessons of his own upbringing to determine his own masculine code, and the best way to live up to it.
Dads On Screen: The Evolution of Stereotypes, and How Writing Can Overcome Them
After veering from faultless to hapless, the image of fatherhood finally appears to be swinging back. How have dads, as portrayed in films, TV shows, and advertisements, evolved over the past 30 years? Filmmakers and media critics will weigh in on the gap between perception and reality, and discuss what men can do as writers to influence positive and responsible representation of fatherhood.
The First Rule of Write Club: Write Well
It takes a strong commitment to find your writing voice. And once you find it, how do you differentiate it for different purposes? Our panel of prolific and successful multi-site writers will discuss the challenges of the creative process: developing a writer’s discipline; maintaining consistency and quality; and juggling multiple diverse assignments at once.
Show ‘Em You Mean Business
You’ve worked hard to develop your voice and engage your readers, and you’re ready to forge relationships with brands. Whether pitching or responding to a potential business partner, you need to show marketers what they’re investing in. This panel of seasoned pros, on both sides of the deal, will show you how to create the media kit and sell sheet that will satisfy what brands are looking for.
Pack Mentality: Dads and the Power of Community
Mom bloggers have established themselves as an estimable media force in large part because of the community of friendship and support they’ve created. Dad bloggers can learn a great deal from the moms’ example, and the preponderance of group dad blogs (and the diverse individualism within) suggest great potential. But are we capable of the same type of bonding?
Dads and Technology: Much More Than “Boys With Toys”
Technology affords parents and children unprecedented enjoyment and convenience, but keeping up with the latest gadgetry (and related parental controls) can be a huge challenge. Join our team of technology experts as they discuss the latest trends in gaming, social media, and opportunities to use technology to our parental advantage.
The Myth of the Mancession: The Fundamental Shift in Men’s Roles in the Household
Research shows that the increasing number of primary caregiving dads is not an economy-based blip. Our role in the modern family is fundamentally shifting, and brands are taking notice. Our panel of analysts will present the results of their exhaustive, granular studies and make the case that Dad’s increased role in parenting and purchasing decisions is here to stay.
Pitching Dads to Brands: Casting A Wider Net
Recently, dad bloggers have experienced a strong tailwind of support, as prominent parenting sites have been hiring more dads and advocating for their inclusion in content campaigns. What is the state of the dad blogger in the Momiverse, and what does Disney’s acquisition of Babble mean for the future? Are dads making inroads, or is the road ahead longer than we think?
We are fortunate to have such a diverse group of fathers in our community that enjoy sharing their parenting experiences with us. Today, Jacob Drill, aka Gaddy Daddy, shares his latest romp with his son Max and about twenty other dads at the Battery Park location of the New York Kids Club. - LS
I am a stay-at-home dad with a 20 month old son, Max. Before this year, I had only attended one New York City Dads Meet-Up Group event: the taping for the Martha Stewart Show’s stay-at-home-dad episode. So, one of my New Years resolutions this year was to meet more stay-at-home dads. Last Friday, I got a jump start on my goal by attending my second NYC Dads Group event: “Family Fun for Everyone” at the New York Kids Club in Battery Park. Max and I had a great time. First off, the event was well attended (20 dads showed up), which gave me an opportunity to meet at–home-dads and several working dads carving out some time with their children from all parts of the city, as well as from Jersey City. Also, besides the Martha Stewart Show taping, this event was the most dads I had ever hung out with at one time with just their kids. Normally when Max and I attend play spaces like NYC Kids Club for either a class or open play, I am one of few dads there, if not the only one. So the Family Fun for Everyone event was very refreshing and gave me a nice feeling of solidarity with the other dads.
Plus, putting aside the fact that it was all dads and their kids, the event was terrific just in its own right. First of all, the event was a great opportunity to experience the play space for two hours at an affordable price. There was a nice age range of kids -- from 6 months to 4 years old -- with many kids around Max’s age. The two-hour event flew by because it was well organized from the adult perspective, without being too structured for the kids. The first hour was free play, and the friendly New York Kids Club staff was around to help the kids on the trampoline and the other gym equipment. The second hour started off with a musician (from Tiny Tots), who the kids seemed to really enjoy, and the last half-hour featured more play time, along with pizza and juice.
The dads weren’t forgotten either in the refreshment department -- beer, wine, and snacks were provided for them! So all in all, as I mentioned, Max and I had a blast, so much so that we are already signed up for the next “Family Fun For Everyone” event, on Friday, January 20th. This event will take place at one of the New York Kids Club’s Upper East Side locations (219 East 67th Street, btw 2nd & 3rd Ave). We are really looking forward to it, and I hope you will join us!
From time to time, we get pitched by research experts as well as graduate students working on progressive research covering topics about all angles of fatherhood. Regarding Most of the inquiries, we are happy to share them on our site as I think it exemplifies that more research experts are starting to put dad under the microscope to learn more about "the other parent." That is the case with this new parenting survey from a graduate student who spent a significant amount of time working/researching with the Kansas City Dads Group & now has the opportunity to cast a wider net. Please feel free to participate. - L.S.
What are the personal values that drive your parenting? Do different types of parents, such as stay-at-home dads and working dads, stay-at-home moms and working moms, stay-at-home moms and stay-at-home dads, hold different values sets? This research will examine the values of different groups of parents (related to working or staying home with children),and will specifically focus on how they compare with those of stay-at-home fathers.
I'm a graduate student in sociology at the University of Central Missouri doing research on moral frameworks and values of parents in general and stay-at-home fathers in particular. Please if you have a few minutes, check out the survey at https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/DDRXJLZ Results appear at the end so you can see how everyone else responded too. Thanks so much for your help! - Pam Rooks
Our good friend, Lisa Duggan of The Parent du Jour, sent me this post by Avital Nathman, the blogger behind The Mamafesto. We've been saying that neither moms nor dads benefit when all things "parenting" are labeled and directed at moms. From "Mommy and Me Classes" to "Mommy Groups" to "Today Moms" to "Motherlode," we still live in a culture that puts all of the parenting pressure on moms, and perhaps inadvertently excludes or excuses dads from becoming the caring, competent, and confident dads we want and need to be. Thanks to Avital for allowing us to repost here. -M.S.
One of the fun things about Facebook (you know, besides profile-stalking) is connecting with old friends. It’s especially neat when you find yourselves not only waxing nostalgic about the “good old times” (aka the ’90s), but when you can find some current common ground to chat about.
I’ve been recently messaging back and forth with Maya, a friend from high school. She has a little baby boy, and she got in touch, letting me know that she’s been reading along with what I post and mulling it all over in her mind. Despite some differing thoughts, we’ve had a great discussion about boys, gender, and expectations. Then, the other day, she wrote to me about something she and her husband Uri have been talking about lately:
Will you please write a blog about the gender inequality among parents? Uri’s trying desperately to be totally egalitarian—but we often feel it’s impossible. Prenatal books all picture moms on the front and focus on the mom inside. Our birth certificate did not require a dad—nor did any of the nurses ask his name. Our bathtub is “mommy’s helper,” our play group is “upper west side mommys.” Don’t get me started about Mount Sinai’s one day paternity leave. How can we expect our kids to be open minded if we box ourselves even before they are conceived?
The part I bolded above really hit home for me. It reminded me of when I was still pregnant, and MD called his company, asking about their family/paternity leave policy. The response was disheartening. Before he was even able to get a response, the person he spoke with actually questioned his decision. He couldn’t comprehend why MD would want to stay at home with his wife and new baby. If I recall correctly, the employee even shared how he was happy to get back to work and leave the baby stuff to the wife.
We were finally able to acquire one week of paid family leave. In our minds, that wasn’t enough, but MD’s place of employment didn’t support anything further financially. So we wracked our brains, trying to figure out a way to make it work. In the end, he also took one week of paid vacation and two weeks of unpaid leave, giving us one month home together as a new family.
But back to Maya’s point. The fact that MD’s boss was incredulous over the fact that we would sacrifice a paycheck or two to have him home with us in that first month is exemplary of the larger issue at play here. So many times I’ve heard fathers referred to like babysitters, as people wonder if and when he “watches the kids,” like it’s not an automatic part of his life.
It’s not so hard to understand how folks get to that way of thinking. Despite years of feminist fighting to allow women the same chances and choices as men, there is still a deep-seated societal belief that women (whether working or not) are inherently responsible for the majority of child-rearing. We birth them, so we obviously are the only ones capable of caring for them. [Insert any number of eye-rolling gifs here]
This notion is hammered in again and again in books, television shows, movies, advertisements, playgroups, etc. As Maya mentioned, take a look at many of the products marketed towards parents of infants. The majority of them are mommy-centric, leaving dad off to the side or nowhere in the picture.
A quick scan through Target’s online baby section (and they’re not alone in this—the majority of big-box stores follow this pattern) exemplifies this not-so-surprising phenomenon.
(On the plus side, the one—and only—picture of a man that I saw in the baby section was in the infant carrier section. But his head was partially cut off.)
Even when men are depicted as care-takers, there is usually humor involved to swallow the idea that males can also be nurturing and adept at parenting. (fast-forward to 1:00 for proof)
Not only does this promote the erroneous stereotype that all men are incompetent, bumbling fools, but it adds insult to injury by insisting that men are not naturally equipped to safely care for their own children. You have to wonder then, how do all of those 2-daddy households manage to do it without misplacing their child? My heart goes out to Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka’s two young twins who no doubt will end up trapped in a washing machine any day now.
The number of articles/blog posts/Facebook status updates I have read that lament the fact that husbands/fathers are not as active or involved in the lives of their children make me simultaneously sad and frustrated. Sure, some of these guys might be total tools, but at the same time, most are probably going with what society feeds them. If we’re not being inclusive, and not only welcome, but expect, fathers to be an equal part in the parenting process, then it practically encourages men to shrug off the responsibility.
At the same time, by excluding (and excusing) men from the early parenting process, we’re essentially shackling children to their mothers, by implying nobody else can properly care for their needs. All of these little things (“mommy group” instead of “parenting group” or “mommy’s helper bathtub,” ignoring the father at the hospital, etc.) add up to negatively impact both men and women.
So how do we change this? As trite as it sounds…be the change you want to see. Normalize the fact that parenting is 50-50. That (as unbelievable as it sounds) men are just as capable of changing diapers, taking on nighttime duties, hanging out with the kids, etc. as women are. Roll your eyes and speak up against the inanity of movies like the one above.
Above all—change expectations. If we buy into the false expectations that society throws at us via marketing, television, movies, and more, then we’re just feeding the problem. Mothers and fathers may have varying styles of parenting, but that doesn’t automatically mean that dads are simply incapable of doing much more than keep the kids alive.
As most readers of the blog know, the blog site is an extension of our meet up group - a physical community of caring, nurturing, and competent dads that enjoy getting together with other dads all across the NY metro area with our kids in tow. Today, was a Very proud moment for our community of dads! We just welcomed Ari M., a new dad with a child who is only 4 days old. He is the 500th member of the NYC Dads Group! Recently, we have been welcoming an influx of new members who are dads of little ones like Ari (kids under 4 months old) as well as expectant fathers - just a true testament to the changing tides of dads getting involved (and seeking out resources) early and often with being an equal partner in parenting. 500 Strong!
Recently Cheryl Chan, a graduate student at CUNY's Journalism school, asked us to participate in a project she was doing for her Video Storytelling for the Web class. Her story focuses on one of our members, Marion V., and his daughter Olivia. Marion and his partner, Karl, adopted Olivia several months ago and they decided Marion would stay home full-time to care for their new baby. I think Cheryl's piece is an excellent look into the joys and fears in the life of this gay at-home dad of an adopted baby.
You might have heard the news this week that The Martha Stewart Show will go off the air following broadcasting season in April, after suffering from bad ratings on the Hallmark Channel. "According to the NY Post, the channel has informed Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia that it no longer makes financial sense to produce the show in its current form."
Upon hearing this news, it blasted me into immediate reflection about how groundbreaking Martha Stewart was this season. About a year ago, 15 members of the NYC Dads Group sat in the studio audience of the Martha Stewart Pre-Superbowl themed show - football, ribs, nachos, and fun were on the docket. After the show was taped, they did a brief, in person, Q&A with Martha. Active and humorous NYC Dads Group member, Patrick Spillman, stood up and asked a thought provoking foodie question and plugged that their were a bunch of at-home and other involved dads on-hand...that is part of the reasoning behind Martha & team designing a unique stay-at-home dads themed show where the entire studio audience was only DADS + KIDS.
On October 12, over thirty members of our dads community with kids in tow marched into the Martha Stewart Show studio. The NYC Dads Group was over 1/3 of the entire studio audience! We had work from home dads, teachers, stay at home dads, and even a few working dads who took a few hours off to bond with their children and participate in this unique show. A few things to note: the producer often shouted "quiet on the set." Pretty comical when you consider that half the audience were children under seven years old...so of course his requests went unnoticed. For me, I had to keep my son in the vicinity of our seats for close to 2 1/2 hours during the taping which was no easy feat. I relate it to keeping your child occupied in a small and cramped space like on an airplane.
The show aired on the Hallmark Channel on November 29. Overall, Martha & team put together an outstanding show that really respected the at-home dad community. They deserve a lot of credit. As you probably know, at-home dads have had a tough go of it in the media over the last several decades, and this show is the first that we've seen that really recognizes that dads can be just as nurturing, competent, and confident as moms. The dads they chose to feature were an excellent representation of the thousands of us that have joyfully made the choice to provide for our families in this way. We hope Martha Stewart realizes the contribution this kind of show makes to the overall parenting conversation-- for moms and for dads.
STAY AT HOME DADS SHOW -Step into the world of household fatherhood with dad-friendly recipes and an audience full of stay-at-home dads with their children. Make savory minestrone-Parmesan potpie with super-dad Benjamin Frank; get a man-sized lesson in leftover lunches with Associated Press food editor J.M. Hirsch; and craft a simple wood dollhouse with blogger Joel Henriques
Wouldn't it be amazing to see other notable talk shows devote a little more time catering to the other parenting partner - Dad?
The author, Carol Hymowitz, does an excellent job highlighting benefits and consequences of the decisions that the couples along the way that made it possible for these women to soar to the pinnacle of corporate America. Like generations of male CEOs that have come before them, these women are able to focus on work while their husbands focus on home. Also like generations of male CEOs that have come before them, these women recognize the different relationships they have with their children and the fact that they miss many childhood milestones.
I also appreciated the fact that many of the men highlighted had accomplished careers as well before they decided to stay at home, including our friend Dan Mulhern, the former First Gentleman of Michigan. Again, we see partners making decisions that work for their families.
One suggestion . . . perhaps the title should be "Beside Every Great Woman" to truly highlight the mutual respect and gratitude the couples have for each other.
Cheers to Business Week for giving us a look inside the lives of these great partners!
With people's infatuation of reality TV series these days, it should be no surprise that multiple media channels are exploring the opportunity of producing a documentary-series involving stay at home fathers. Over the course of the past three years, I have been pinged a few times from different producers fact finding about producing a show. A few years ago, I might have even thrown my name in the ring to participate...but, the thought of having a camera following me and my family around for several days looking to exploit some drama is not what I am seeking. I hope that if this docu-series comes to fruition it ends up being a real depiction how dads can be confident, nurturing, and involved dads rather than a bumbling idiot that makes for humorous TV. That said, the below inquiry might be a good match for a few of you so wanted to share the latest pitch....
CALLING ALL STAY AT HOME DADS!!! Fatherhood, its not just a title, it’s your lifestyle! It’s the greatest responsibility a man can have and it is a full time job. Lets face it, times are tough and gender rolls are changing. In the last decade the rate of stay at home dads have DOUBLED in America. Men around the country are stepping up and taking on the responsibility of raising the children. Mom might be the breadwinner, but you’re the CEO of Fatherhood!
Major Cable Network and the producers the who brought you the smash hits “Cake Boss,” “Tough Love” and “My First Place,” have teamed up for a new unprecedented documentary series about STAY AT HOME FATHERS.
We are seeking DAD’S who do it all! From the cooking and the cleaning to the diaper changes, little league and princess parties, we want to see it! The struggles… the triumphs….and all of the silly little life lessons learned in fatherhood!
Whoever said moms should have all the fun???? We want to see parenthood from the dad’s point of view!
If you’re a Do-It-All Dad, we want to hear from you! If interested, please email us your contact information, a current family photo and brief summary of you and your family life!
Two weeks ago, ABC World News With Diane Sawyer aired a positive segment talking about the "modern American family" and how stay-at-home dads fit into the equation. We were fortunate to have one of our own active NYC Dads Group members, Dave Lesser, his daughter Penny, and wife Allister participate in a meaningful and compelling piece on the importance of being a caring, involved, and competent father.
Good Morning America, also on ABC, enjoyed the segment so much, they decided to use a lot of the interviews, footage, and b-roll to develop a more comprehensive segment (4 minutes long!)- Modern Families: Stay At Home Dads On the Rise.
On a day when Dave's daughter Penny had pink eye and clearly was not herself, and wife heads off to work, Dave agreed to have a camera crew follow him around for the entire day to catch a "day in the life" of an at-home dad. Napping on her dad, consoling her while she is upset, trekking over to the pediatrician's office, preparing meals, and pretend play as his daughter is the princess...no doubt Dave Lesser demonstrates his role in such a positive light. You can truly see the joy and passion he gets from being the primary caregiver - certainly more rewarding than his previous career in law.
My favorite part of the segment was the unique roundtable discussion with three of our NYC Dads Group members at the NY Children's Museum of the Arts: Bruce Razza, Rune Lund, and Saxon Palmer. These dads were on the hot seat sharing their candor, honest feelings about perceptions in society and on the playground, what a dads social/support group gives you, and how they stay engaged in their children's lives. Saxon Palmer said it so well: what does the NYC Dads Group community provide? "knowing you are not alone...that I got this posse of other guys that are doing the same thing so I am not an anomaly!"
First, let me reiterate what I have mentioned before - I am a loyal subscriber and avid reader of Time Out New York (TONY): KIDS monthly magazine. In fact, I have been hooked on the Time Out brand ever since studying abroad in London in 1994, and using Time Out: London to hit local happenings on the cheap.
For all new and expecting parents, you will want to grab a copy of the new TONY Kids January/February 2012, Baby Issue. Basically, it hits the high notes on so many important and relevant resources for new parents from Expectant Parent classes, Parent & Me classes (unfortunately still labeled mommy & me classes), new parent social and support groups, local babysitting agencies so you can maintain date night post-baby, as well as popular indoor playspaces.
Page 24 provides the lead in to the wonderful roundup spotlighting several important parent groups in NYC. The article, BEST PARENTING GROUPS IN NYC, gives a gentle nudge to "join one of these parenting groups for support, advice, and much needed nights out." Seek out a new parents groups in New York City; Join one and your social calendar (and your babe's) will be filled up in no time. The round-up includes nice spotlights on our NYC Dads Group, BabyBites, Astoria Moms Group, Bronx New Mommies Group, Family-Wellness Solutions, and the uber popular Park Slope Parents. The brief piece about our dynamic group includes a little history on how the group was formed, the type of events & activities we engage in with our kids, and of course, an action photo of the dads having a blast with their kids at The Little Gym of the Upper West Side. It was great to see that our New Dad Boot Camps was mentioned as well as part of the comprehensive programming at well know parenting venue, Tribeca Parenting. Huge props to TONY Kids for being so supportive and inclusive of fathers and for including the NYC Dads Group as one of the best parenting groups in NYC. We are honored and most grateful! Were also hopeful that the article will provide some guidance so a few new dads will join our awesome group...
Below is the latest guest blog post from Scott M., active father of Byron & Dashiell, describing his continued passion for enjoying theater in NYC with his family:
Tis the season where there’s a large selection of shows in the city, all trying to get us to use our precious holiday time to entertain our family. I had the opportunity to take my family to nice range of shows this month.
In the over-the-top category, a visit to The Radio City Music Hall was in line for the whole family to view the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. The advantage of the show that you won’t find anywhere except for an article for parents, is of the constant action and sustained noise level. When my 6 month old son started crying because it was his nap time, I thought it was a baby from far away until I looked down and saw him crying. I was able to inconspicuously pat him to sleep and realized I didn’t see any of the multitudes of babies in the audience being covertly carried out by a huddling parent into the lobby so I must have not been the only one.
Next in scale came a visit to the Big Apple Circus in Lincoln Center, an intimate one ring show where everyone has a great view. As with all shows, the center section is preferred. My three and a half year-old loved the performance, as he did in the past years but I had to take my six month old out for a breather right before intermission. For parents who have to do this for babies or young children who are a bit overwhelmed, there are monitors in the concession area for you to view what’s going on in the ring. My frugal mind loves this circus because they don’t skimp on quality and the prices are very decent. For example, in the concessions you’ll find normal priced items, you’re not paying $15 for a cotton candy!
A visit to one of my favorite small family friendly theatres, the MMAC Theatre, took us to see The Amazing Max and the Box of Interesting Things. I was very fortunate to grab some press tickets for this show. I say fortunate because I would have missed out on this performance if I didn’t, as a magic show wasn’t on my radar this season. The show runs for 50 min and is quick paced. Therefore it is one of the shows I’d recommend if someone wants to introduce your child to the wonderful world of New York live shows but not sure if they could sit throughout the entirety. Think Nickelodeon game show humor without the goop but full of magic tricks, this one man show is filled with potty and light physical humor, perfect for the range of ages in the room.
By the end of the show, my cheeks were a little sore from all my smiling. A man who can entertain a room full of kids and adults with his magic tricks for an hour? Just his skills, voice and showmanship? As my son yelled to him after the show when he had the opportunity to meet him, “That’s AMAZING!”
ABC World News With Diane Sawyer aired a positive segment on Tuesday evening talking about the "modern American family" and how stay-at-home dads fit into the equation. We were fortunate to have one of our own active NYC Dads Group members, Dave Lesser, his daughter Penny, and wife Allister participate in a meaningful and compelling piece on the importance of being a caring, involved, and competent father.
On a day when Dave's daughter Penny has pink eye and clearly is not herself, and wife heads off to work, Dave agreed to have a camera crew follow him around for the entire day to catch a "day in the life" of an at-home dad. Napping on her dad, consoling her while she is upset, trekking over to the pediatrician's office, preparing meals, and pretend play as his daughter is the princess...no doubt Dave Lesser demonstrates his role in such a positive light. You can truly see the joy and passion he gets from being the primary caregiver - certainly more rewarding than his previous career in law.
An excerpt from the article: Dave's wife Allister stated, "He is more patient. ... He is more easygoing. He's just so perfectly suited to being home with her and helping her thrive in that environment," said Allister Lesser, who returned to her job as a fundraiser. "There is no way I could do the job that he does. ... I know he's a lot better at [staying home] than I am."
Dave said, "I knew deep down inside that I was not going to be a good lawyer. It wasn't a good fit. ... That career path was a mistake," he said. "I never had that passion as an attorney. I do have that passion as a dad."
Thanks to ABC World News, Producer James Wang, Reporter Josh Elliott, and of course, Diane Sawyer, for continuing to move the conversation on fatherhood forward in the media!
Age 3 - I have not heard a term that comes along with it, but I might be inclined to call it the "horrific threes"
My son is 3 1/2 and daily parenting has become so challenging and tiring lately that I don't understand why no one gave us a heads up on what to expect. Let me provide a glimpse of what is going on the past two days to provide some clarity:
My son borrows a toy airplane on the playground is playing nicely with it. Flying it up in the air, pretending he is a pilot, and even talking about the snacks they serve. The owner of the plane (another 3 year old) wants the toy back and tries to grab it out of my son's. My son says "no, no, no." I walk over and explain to my son that it's the other boy's toy and we can take "a turn" for one more minute before we return it. The result: My son immediately swats the other boy in the face! Short fuse!
My son is eating his cream of wheat for breakfast and the consistency is a little too thick for him so there is not enough "dripping" off his spoon. He chucks the spoon and then the bowl of cream of wheat onto the floor. Short temper!
My son has his friend Jordan (5) and Blake (2) over for a playdate. He sees little Blake playing over in the "play kitchen" area. For whatever reason my son aggressively hugs Blake - Blake does not like that and shouts. I explain to Jake that Blake did not like that and he needs to be more gentle. My son repeats it again very aggressively (strike two). I tell my son he needs to leave Blake alone "keep hands to himself." A few minutes later, my son does it again and Blake starts to cry (strike three - time out).
My son says he needs to go pee in the potty. He purposely points his pistol towards the garbage can next to the toiled an fires away. It makes a complete mess and I tell him that pee goes in the potty and he will need to clean it up with me.
My son wakes up from his nap shouting "no, no, no, no." I look at him and he is so angry that he starts swatting at me, saying "I want to hit you daddy"....I walk away to give him some space. He comes after me hitting and kicking. This goes on for twenty minutes until I am finally able to redirect.
I am playing a building block game with my son. He gets frustrated because some blocks fall down. then, he tries to hit me. I give him a time out (he gets put in his room for two minutes and I shut the door). It gets very quiet behind his door and when he comes out after "time is up" he points out that he "broke the wires." Basically, he yanked the phone wires off of the wall that were neatly staple tacked down. He says, "Daddy, are you mad because I broke it?"
After an exhausting day, we go through the bedtime routine, read our books together, and I put my son down for sleep. Two minutes later he pops up out of bed and comes into the hallway. I walk him back to sleep (sometimes he pops up again). All I am thinking is "please go the F#*k to sleep" or I say it loud to my wife.
We get the 1:30am wake up call from our child this past Sunday night. I walk our son back to sleep. He gets up again at 2am. Walk back to bed. Up again at 2:15am...walk back to bed. I don;t speak to my son, but I go through the mental checklist: fever? no, temperature in room? fine, white noise machine on? yes, is it a night terror? no....So, now I am thinking, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Some other random quotes: "Can I have a treat for breakfast?", "Why do I have to go to sleep?", "I want a special treat NOW!", "Daddy, I hate you!", "Daddy, I want to kick you!", "Daddy, I am going to bite you!"
Testing, testing, testing-- that is what I believe the threes to be. One tremendous rectal exam of limits and boundaries.
I try to convince myself that a lot of this is a phase and will hopefully pass (soon). Does it get easier? What strategies can I use for a child with such a short and violent fuse/temper (the apple doesn't fall too far - my temper is pretty bad as well)? Why didn't any of our parent friends give us a heads up that the threes are this hard?
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