Interview With an At-Home-Dad in New york City

The NYC Dads Group is a unique and diverse group full of caring, involved, and active fathers. I thought it would be interesting for some of the men in the group to periodically share their experiences on caregiving and parenting to the general public via this blog. As Jeremy Adam Smith mentions in The Daddy Shift, "society needs to hear more stories of reverse traditional families and caregiving fathers." This is a "spotlight" on John S. (pictured above with his son Loy), one of our dynamic at-home-dad members. The format of this at-home-dad interview is a Q&A between the two of us.

How did you come into the role of being an at home dad?

My wife and I decided long before Loy was on the way that I would be the one to stay home. I work from home for the most part as a freelance photographer, so my flexible is definitely more conducive.
Also, something that I'm sure comes into play with other couples making this decision, my wife's job as a school teacher includes insurance benefits which made it an obvious choice given that I'm self employed.

What is the best part of being an at home dad?

The best part is being able to watch Loy evolve. It sounds cheesy but seeing how the mind works @ picking up on things, learning things, motor skills. Its an amazing process to watch; something that as an adult you can really appreciate. Its also great to be able to know that I'm playing such an important role in who my son will become.

What is the most challenging part of being a stay at home dad?

I think the most challenging part for me has been to adjust my schedule to fit with Loy's. I've learned to work quickly while he's napping (because you never know when the hour and a half nap you expected turns into a 40 min snap!) I think this has become easier for me as Loy has gotten older and I've become more adept at planning my day and planning ahead if were going out, because there's nothing worse than leaving the house and you think your prepared only to remember half block away that you forgot a bottle or the diaper bag.

Everyone has tips. What kind of tips or best practices can you share about being an at home dad?

Roll with the punches. There are going to be frustrating moments when nothing goes right. Take a deep breath and laugh about it. The other advice I have is be creative; there are so many way to entertain a child besides Toys and TV. When I prepare meals in the kitchen Loy will often sit in front of our tupperware cabinet and keep himself entertained stacking and sorting the tops and bottoms. And he loves to help with laundry too.

How has being a part of a dads group helped support you in your role?

It has been great for me because I have been able to get out and interact with other adults and have real conversations. Also all the activities that have been organized force me to get out of the house, especially during the colder months when it can be so easy just to stay in and hibernate

When you tell your friends about your situation of being an at home dad, how do they normally react?

At first I got a few strange looks, but I think most of my friends and family know that I'm never going to do what is expected just because its expected. I think most of them knowing that I work from home, realize that its a logical step for me to be home with Loy.

I have seen some of your work and you are a talented photographer. Have you been able to keep up with your passion for photography? Have you been able to incorporate your skill set in photography with being the primary caregiver?

I've always done photography that dealt with documenting a part of my life or family history, so it only made sense that I would incorporate this huge change in my life into my photography. After about 6 months of being home with Loy I began documenting our days together as a sort of journal and its been somewhat therapeutic. Its allowed me to express myself on a day to day basis, most times without leaving the house. I've been posting the picture updates to my blog @ http://www.thingsiforgottosay.blogspot.com/

*Thanks again to John S. for your honesty and candor about this 'sometimes' sensitive topic.

Was this Q&A format interesting? Should we have a "spotlight" on a dad more often? Please share your comments...