I used to think I had this sleep-training thing all figured
out. I strutted around the other parents who were sleep deprived, like a
well-rested guru, a “baby-whisperer” if you will. My wife and I had the magic
touch when it came to getting my daughter on a sleep schedule. We had read the
books, we had our process honed and we were united in our endeavor.
People would say things like, “You’re so lucky.” And I’d
take offense to that a little. Surely, my wife and I had a lot to do with
training our daughter. She wasn’t naturally
like this. We had gotten lots of advice, read books, implemented plans,
obviously if we hadn’t done that,
Anna wouldn’t be going down to sleep like such a champ. Then, our son, Lucas
was born and everything changed.
Aside from having a touch of acid reflux, we’ve now learned
that Lucas has eczema, which is a condition that causes the skin to be overly
sensitive. Apparently eggs will aggravate Lucas’ condition, as well as dairy in
general. Since Sarah is still breast-feeding, (she pumps at work,) she has cut
out eggs entirely and also curtailed her overall dairy intake. This is still
all very foreign to us. Anna, our daughter, never had these issues.
We started to sleep-train Lucas as we did Anna. The
sleep-training process we had adopted was to let the baby cry. One book we had
read talked about training your child to “self-sooth.” As long as the baby is
fed, comfortable and clean (diaper-wise) we feel it’s helpful to let them “cry
it out a bit” in their cribs. With Anna it took three long weeks to get through
her crying every time we put her down. Let me explain so you don’t think my
wife and I are complete monsters. We’d look at the clock, it was time for a nap,
we’d put her down, she’d cry and we’d pace the living room looking at the clock
every 5 seconds. If she hadn’t stopped in 15 minutes, one of us would go in
there and pick her up and sooth her. Then we’d put her down and repeat the
process. This could go on for hours. As the days went by, the pacing decreased
and 15 minutes became 30 minutes, 30 minutes became 45 minutes, soon we’d only
go back in there to find a sleeping little angel, curled up in her blankets. By
the time Anna was two months, she was taking her naps and sleeping with
absolutely zero problems. I enjoyed taking the credit for this. And hadn’t we
earned it? It’s not easy listening to a baby cry for one minute, let alone an
hour. And when it’s yours, all you want is to pick him or her up and sooth.
We started the process with Lucas. We’d put him down, he’d
cry and we’d ask those three questions. Is he hungry? No, he ate already. Is he
clean? Yes, I just changed him. Is he comfortable? Hmmm. Well, he has acid
reflux and egzema so no he’s not comfortable. So now what? We can’t just let
him suffer. And thus, our famed sleep-training process had some major flaws.
How can we just pace the living room while our son is in there crying and
uncomfortable, perhaps even in pain? We tried to train him to “self sooth” even
with the ailments and it’s hit or miss. Sometimes he goes down great, other
times he simply refuses. It made me realize something. Among other things, it
made me realize how arrogant I am.
You see, it wasn’t all that uncommon for couples to ask us
advice after seeingour daughter’s progress. I was always happy to tell them
what they needed to do. Some couples we advised had success, while others
didn’t. The ones that didn’t always gave the excuse, “Well, every baby is
different.” I’d smile, nod reassuringly, and hide what I was really thinking.
Deep down, I suspected that those couples just weren’t trying hard enough.
Because, after all, I knew our system worked. It was proven. I thought we had
it all figured out, now I stand before you, humbled. We’ve tried to do the same
thing with Lucas andsleep training is just not as black and white as I thought
it was.
Incidentally, Lucas is doing much better with his sleep
training as we continuously work on curtailing dairy. At first, I didn’t
realize just how sensitive he was. One morning, I made myself a bacon, egg and
cheese sandwich. After eating it, I picked him up and kissed him. He broke out
in a rash all over the side of his face. It was then that I realized this
egzema was going to affect us all. It’s not easy cutting out dairy, but we’ve
come to realize that it’s a necessity. I even made pizza without cheese and it
was actually pretty good. We didn’t miss the cheese all that much either. With
Anna, we didn’t have to deal with any of these issues. I guess it’s true. Every
baby is different.
John Scamardella is Your Stay At Home Dad. He has a
three-year-old daughter, Anna and an eight-month-old son, Lucas. Visit them at http://yourstayathomedad.com. Like them on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Your-Stay-At-Home-Dad/370874496258886.
